Your high beams flooded the street suddenly, clunking to life and leaving me blinded by the light for a split second.
Your silhouette slowly cut into the white screen, and soon the darkness followed, framing the high beams in two intersecting rings of light. Your shadow split into multiple figures on the pavement, each frozen in the same stance, with arms hung down their sides like the silhouette that cast them.
And as I came to recognize your frame, my heart began to pound and my eyes began to water; my stomach began to flutter and my mouth turned dry. You jogged over to where I lay on the road, out of breath
"I-I ca-"
scrambling, grabbing blindly at the pavement around me, unsure of what to do,
"I can't-"
wiping some of my blood onto your fingers
"I can't see you" I gasped, my voice distorted by the dryness in my throat and the blood that was gushing out my mouth
And you picked me up, cradling me in your arms, whispering Please don't go, please don't leave me alone, please don't let me be alone
"I can't see-"
Please. I want you to stay. Please. Please. Please
My eyelids fluttered
Stay awake. Stay with me. Stay
I took a large breath
"I'm going to die"
It was barely audible, a whisper under the loud roar of the motor and the screaming white of the headlights, but he was taken aback; his eyes wild with anger and
Don't say that
soaked with grief
Please just stay
And he held me closer, holding my head to his chest, smearing blood on his jacket
And I closed my eyes, taking in his scent, the safety and comfort I was feeling in his arms, his tears dropping on my head, his heart throbbing a bit too quickly, his voice sobbing
I love you
over and over and over and over until
I slumped in his grip, my head landing on his arm. And he was squeezing me tightly, his tears ceasing as I dove into darkness, falling through the dark abyss as I approached the shining beacon at the end of the tunnel
I'll always love you
Monday, June 28, 2010
Day 1- Introduction
I reach up to the fogged double-glass, my hand placing itself on its cold, wet surface.
It moves in a sideways motion, revealing only a square jaw and a half-open mouth, gaping stupidly in surprise at the part of the mirror now clear.
The mouth closes with a snap. It droops at the edges a bit as the top part of the neck tenses and an Adam's apple scales the front of the neck. The mouth still frowns, but the lips unstick and the mouth opens slightly.
Then, the corners move back and up, opening the mouth and revealing two rows of slightly yellowed teeth barricading a pink cave, glistening with water.
A giant pink amoeba suddenly pokes from the space between the two aged, dirty walls. It quickly takes a peek into the sky before it darts back into its hiding place, as the lips mouth to me:
"Hello."
as my mouth utters the same.
It moves in a sideways motion, revealing only a square jaw and a half-open mouth, gaping stupidly in surprise at the part of the mirror now clear.
The mouth closes with a snap. It droops at the edges a bit as the top part of the neck tenses and an Adam's apple scales the front of the neck. The mouth still frowns, but the lips unstick and the mouth opens slightly.
Then, the corners move back and up, opening the mouth and revealing two rows of slightly yellowed teeth barricading a pink cave, glistening with water.
A giant pink amoeba suddenly pokes from the space between the two aged, dirty walls. It quickly takes a peek into the sky before it darts back into its hiding place, as the lips mouth to me:
"Hello."
as my mouth utters the same.
Starting now!
(100) Themes writing challenge
Here’s the deal: I’m going to attempt to write anything I want about 100 different themes. I might write one a day, might write two. I’m mainly deciding to start this (after hearing about it from a few friends) because I’ve been very bored lately. I figure this’ll be a great way to keep me occupied during the summer. Out of two different variations of this challenge, I’ve switched it up a bit and decided to use some themes from each version.
THE CHALLENGE STARTS NOW! -cue catchy theme music-
1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Innocence
6. Beauty
7. Breathe
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Free
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Illusion
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Midnight
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Footprints
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Dreams
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Twisted
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can’t
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Lightning
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Curiosity
100. Relaxation
Here’s the deal: I’m going to attempt to write anything I want about 100 different themes. I might write one a day, might write two. I’m mainly deciding to start this (after hearing about it from a few friends) because I’ve been very bored lately. I figure this’ll be a great way to keep me occupied during the summer. Out of two different variations of this challenge, I’ve switched it up a bit and decided to use some themes from each version.
THE CHALLENGE STARTS NOW! -cue catchy theme music-
1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Innocence
6. Beauty
7. Breathe
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Free
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Illusion
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Midnight
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Footprints
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Dreams
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Twisted
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can’t
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Lightning
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Curiosity
100. Relaxation
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Change [feat. Addiction]
"Here's the thing about change. Sometimes you think you've changed, but you've just traded one addiction for another. And sometimes that's the best you can hope for."
-Jack Bourdain, "Kitchen Confidential"
Coming back from college orientation, I was honestly really excited to go to Thurgood Marshall at UCSD. After all of the bickering and the moping I had done about not being able to go to the University of Puget Sound, I found the environment, philosophy and energy to be a perfect fit for me. The campus and the Orientation Leaders just completely swept me off my feet and changed my feelings about attending UCSD.
As I cleaned up my room after wrapping up the campus tour and so many fun presentations and icebreaker activities, I found that almost all past regrets, feelings of anger and bitchings about going to school there were all moot. Everything I had seen, all the people I had met- they all contributed in large part to the entire experience at TMC. This was the community I would be enveloping myself in, one of fierce school spirit and rigorous scholastic work, I affirmed.
All of my negative feelings had suddenly been replaced with pure positivity and I loved it. Then, and even now, I cannot bring myself to feel negatively about going to college (well, except for being nervous).
In short, my feelings had changed.
In an earlier post, I talked about change being unexpected and this experience only convinced me further of the tide-like nature of change. The above quote (from a wonderful sitcom that you all should watch) also reflects my feels about the change; how the negative feelings I clung to so were all "replaced" by excitement and energy. I couldn't have said it better.
Change is here. The water is only lapping at my ankles but I can feel the roar of the ocean, ready to lash out and drag me in, washing me in my new freedom, my new schedule, my new atmosphere, my new room/suitemates, my new everything, and I am definitely still nervous.
Good thing I dressed in trunks.
Friday, June 18, 2010
To dream
When I was young, I remember standing outside with my friends at night staring up at the sky and watching it glitter like studded satin.
And every once in a while, one light, a bit brighter than the others, would tear across the black sky and one of my friends would proclaim, “Look! It’s a shooting star!” And I would stare up at the light, my eyes following it as it traveled across the sky. The light would fill my heart with joy and wishes and put a smile on my face as some snot-nosed brat popped my wonder with, “Nah, it’s just an airplane.”
In the episode “Dream On” of “Glee”, Jesse St. James (played by the amazingly talented Jonathan Groff) defined a dream as “something that fills up the emptiness inside, the one thing that you know if it came true, all the hurt would go away.” Those airplanes I saw were what I thought were dreams that could fill my life with happiness and push out all worries and problems I had and would face.
I was, and still am, a fervent dreamer- for as long as I can remember, I would never really recall some of the things happening in classes and the events around me because I was imagining another life: one where all my troubles were nonexistent and life went my merry way.
However, whenever the question of what I wanted to do with my life came up this year, I was stumped. In all the dreaming- the fantasies of being a doctor, an artist, a superhero and a Broadway actor, all which faded as my attention shifted to something else I caught interest in- I realized that all my dreams were just airplanes in the night sky, fake wishes that were substituted for passions that I would fervently pursue.
Suddenly, I was jerked from my dream life into reality, where the airplanes that I had misidentified as dreams suddenly disappeared. I found no passion, no drive and sadly, no will to dream any longer among the lights that dotted the sky. I no longer knew what a true dream was after chasing airplanes for so long. I became lost, cautiously observing everything that I could perceive as a dream.
Amidst all the wandering this year, I met and got the chance to interview three amazingly passionate and interesting people. As I talked to them about their lives, dreams and goals, I found myself asserting the reason why I had no dreams: I had no passion. I had met two people who were in their dream careers, spreading their love for what they did and another who worked day and night to break into his dream job and I finally realized that passion is something one is willing to work at, to sacrifice all one’s time to practice, spread and love what they do.
My dream now is to find my dream, my true passion in life. As I head off to the University of California- San Diego next year, I will keep this foundation for my dream safely tucked away in my back pocket so that when the opportunity arrives, I can catapult myself into the sky, soaring past the airplanes and the star clusters to reach that shooting star, the true dream that I had yearned so long for.
And every once in a while, one light, a bit brighter than the others, would tear across the black sky and one of my friends would proclaim, “Look! It’s a shooting star!” And I would stare up at the light, my eyes following it as it traveled across the sky. The light would fill my heart with joy and wishes and put a smile on my face as some snot-nosed brat popped my wonder with, “Nah, it’s just an airplane.”
In the episode “Dream On” of “Glee”, Jesse St. James (played by the amazingly talented Jonathan Groff) defined a dream as “something that fills up the emptiness inside, the one thing that you know if it came true, all the hurt would go away.” Those airplanes I saw were what I thought were dreams that could fill my life with happiness and push out all worries and problems I had and would face.
I was, and still am, a fervent dreamer- for as long as I can remember, I would never really recall some of the things happening in classes and the events around me because I was imagining another life: one where all my troubles were nonexistent and life went my merry way.
However, whenever the question of what I wanted to do with my life came up this year, I was stumped. In all the dreaming- the fantasies of being a doctor, an artist, a superhero and a Broadway actor, all which faded as my attention shifted to something else I caught interest in- I realized that all my dreams were just airplanes in the night sky, fake wishes that were substituted for passions that I would fervently pursue.
Suddenly, I was jerked from my dream life into reality, where the airplanes that I had misidentified as dreams suddenly disappeared. I found no passion, no drive and sadly, no will to dream any longer among the lights that dotted the sky. I no longer knew what a true dream was after chasing airplanes for so long. I became lost, cautiously observing everything that I could perceive as a dream.
Amidst all the wandering this year, I met and got the chance to interview three amazingly passionate and interesting people. As I talked to them about their lives, dreams and goals, I found myself asserting the reason why I had no dreams: I had no passion. I had met two people who were in their dream careers, spreading their love for what they did and another who worked day and night to break into his dream job and I finally realized that passion is something one is willing to work at, to sacrifice all one’s time to practice, spread and love what they do.
My dream now is to find my dream, my true passion in life. As I head off to the University of California- San Diego next year, I will keep this foundation for my dream safely tucked away in my back pocket so that when the opportunity arrives, I can catapult myself into the sky, soaring past the airplanes and the star clusters to reach that shooting star, the true dream that I had yearned so long for.
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