Vicious cycles

I’d love to blame you for all the bad that has happened in the three years I’ve known you. For leading me on and crushing my dreams, for ridding me of my future hopes and aspirations, for all the nervous breakdowns you caused me to have, for all the sleepless nights that you’ve forces me to endure, for all the loneliness, the heartache and mostly for changing my outlook on love completely; showing me that I had to be cautious not to fall too quickly or too deep. I really would, because that would help me get up and move on with my life. And so I would for awhile, getting up and striding confidently forward. But then I remember all the smiles, all the laughter, the comfort I felt in your arms, and of course, how you changed my outlook on love; the fact that you showed me what love was and what kind of person I really wanted to be and what kind of person I wanted to love. And I would see your smile and fall right back, only to realize where I had sunk and want to blame you all over again.